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And when someone does want a relationship, they downplay it.
This leads to awkward, sub-text-laden conversations, of which I've been on both sides."The great irony is that no one seems to enjoy playing the whoever-cares-less-wins game.
Rosin argues that hookup culture marks the empowerment of career-minded college women.
I'm lured in by these trend pieces and their sexy headlines and consistently let down by their conclusions about my generation's moral depravity, narcissism, and distaste for true love. Instead, I armed myself with a blasé smile and answered, "Just text me to let me know what's up. " Sure, I wanted a plan for when we were supposed to hang out but felt I needed to meet Nate on his level of vagueness. to ask "What's up" (no question mark — that would seem too desperate). When I saw him in class, he glanced away whenever we made eye contact. Instead, he said that he thought I was "really attractive and bright" but he just hadn't been interested in dating me. So to avoid seeming or any of the related stereotypes commonly pegged on women, I followed Nate's immature lead: I walked away to get a beer and dance with my friends. This anecdote sums up a pattern I have experienced, observed, and heard about from almost all my college-age friends.I could've told Nate that I thought we had a plan..I was hurt when he ditched me..I was annoyed when he decided to pull away after wrongly assuming I'd wanted to make him my boyfriend. Instead, we ignored each other, knowing that whoever cares less wins.As my guy friend Parker, 22, explains, "I think people in college are embarrassed to want to be in a relationship, as though wanting commitment makes them some regressive '50s Stepford person.When I asked my friend Alix, 22, also a recent Harvard grad, what the biggest struggle of college dating was for her, she didn't hesitate before saying: "I am terrified of getting emotionally overinvested when I'm seeing a guy.I'm scared of being totally honest." I've felt this way too.
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